Hold on Loosely
Good song, but not the topic of today’s ramblings. Just about a month and a half in. And the Lord is continually hammering this lesson home and molding my heart in this area. Even in moments I feel idle, he is continually working. Here I thought that holding things loosely was already sufficiently learned during the preparation stage and downsizing. Ha! Jokes on me.
Daily whispers from Him are “hold loosely…”
to your role and skill set (you will start at the bottom in most things- including how you take care of a household)
to your expectations (that you said you didn’t have)
to your understanding of language (which pronunciation is coconut and which is poop again?)
to social cues (how many awkward public restroom moments must I have?)
to your physical belongings (mildew, humidity, and heat will disintegrate things in front of your very eyes)
to your timeline (I’m way too direct in this culture so zipping my lips sometimes is what is best for the situation)
to your comfort (Lizards, bats, rats, roaches, spiders as big as my hand … all try to live with us…in the house…and that means their poop, too)
“The Lord is our Refuge and Strength” Psalms 46:1 is posted throughout the house, my notes, and what I meditate on. It’s not in my ability, my tools, or my negotiating skills. Things look different here and that’s not all good or all bad but it does give you a clearer lens to see God at work.
A lesson we reviewed at training was the difference between the words Sacrifice and Suffering. And I remember that what all these above things listed are = SACRIFICES. These things didn’t happen to me unwillingly. They are a part of a decision we made to live here and follow the Lord’s calling. Therefore each is a sacrifice, to let go of and lay on the altar. In the moment to moment it doesn’t make it easier (as can be witnessed by the things I yell in the middle of the night at the rats) but in the grand scheme of things I think it does.
God didn’t call us to a comfortable life. I have confessed too many times this month my selfish ways when I just want x, y, z… and then I’d be okay. Which is so not how my mindset has been in recent years. But isn’t that what the American Dream is and the root of human nature? You can even see it across all income levels here. I will be better if I can make ___ amount of money, if I can get that house, if I can just catch that break, if I just was healthier… and so on. But that’s not where we get to see God work. Like REALLY work and where we fall at his feet in conversation and worship. That’s just where we see how hard WE work and sometimes we don’t know how to continue if we don’t reach that goal.
God is waiting to show off in those areas that seem impossible if we let him. If we just loosen up our grip on those things. And man have we seen him shine this past month! Like huge!!!! We’ll save those stories for a different day.
-Ashley
